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A new Ross and Rach fan
Joined: 10 Jan 2005
| all that you can't leave behind
Mon Jan 10, 2005 11:06 pm
|This is my first time posting here, so first of all, hi! I love Friends, specifically Ross and Rachel and write a lot of fics about them. This is the first chapter of my most recent fic. I'm working on Chapter Two and would love to post it here....Feedback is a great help So hope you enjoy this:
All That You Can't Leave Behind
All That You Can’t Leave Behind
Author’s Note: This is an AU fic that mostly takes place when the FRIENDS are adults, except for this prologue. Rachel’s father isn’t a vascular surgeon, he’s an OBGYN.
Dr. Leonard Green walked into an examining room to meet with a new patient. It was a young girl, about sixteenn years old. She was alone, and looking extremely nervous.
Dr. Green mentally sighed. This girl was no older then his daughter, and she was about to have a child. He glanced down at his papers. “Hello, Katie, I’m Dr. Green.”
“Hi.” Her voice was soft. She was staring down at the table. Leonard watched her carefully. She didn’t look like a bad kid. She was a very pretty girl, with long dark hair and green eyes. Probably just a kid who thought she loved her boyfriend enough to mess up her life, Dr. Green thought.
Soon, Dr. Green was staring at his screen and turned to her in confirmation. “Well, you were right. You’re about five weeks pregnant.”
A look of hopeless despair formed on Katie’s face. “Oh, God. . .” She put a hand over her mouth as she struggled not to cry. “I’m sorry, sir, I just. . .” She fell silent, staring with mixed emotions at the screen.
Dr. Green chose his words carefully. “Katie, what about the father.”
Katie’s eyes didn’t move from the screen but her face twisted into a pained expression. “My ex-boyfriend. We dated for five months. I thought everything would be fine, so I let him convince me we were ready.” Her voice broke slightly. “We did everything right. But this happened anyway. When I told him, he freaked out. He’s got a college basketball scholarship. He broke up with me. He wants nothing to do with his kid.” She reached up and wiped her eyes.
Leonard was shaking his head sadly. This kid had probably had a perfectly good future ahead of her. Now that was ruined. And of course the boyfriend ran.
He thought for the millionth time, “I’ll be damned if that ever happens to Rachel.” In his profession he got to see how often this happened. Perfectly well off girls like Katie had their lives ruined for the boy they couldn’t wait for; and more often then not, the boy that caused it didn’t hang around for the consequences.
Leonard had always been overprotective of Rachel. He’d divorced her mother when Rachel was nine, and Sandra Green and her three daughters had moved to California. Rachel was the only one who ever wanted to go to New York to visit her father. When she was thirteen, Sandra finally gave in to Rachel’s never ending request to move to New York with her father. Now Rachel was seventeen and a junior in high school. .
Leonard exited the examination room, thoughts still on Rachel and how determined he was to keep her from ending in the same screwed up situation as so many of his patients. His eyes hardened just at the thought of her boyfriend, Ross Geller.
Ross was a freshmen in college . He was Rachel’s best friend Monica’s brother. They’d been dating for three and a half years and Leonard had never felt he was good enough for Rachel. The relationship had always been too serious for Leonard’s liking. That’s why he never missed a chance to tell Rachel the stories of young, teenage patients he saw, and give her his opinion on what “that Geller boy” would do in a similar situation. “He’d run like the rest of them!”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ross kissed Rachel intensely on the mouth and ran his fingers through her hair. They were standing in the middle of the planetarium at the museum Ross had a part time job with. It was his turn to lock up that night, and Rachel had come to wait with him there before their date.
The lights were off, the room lit only by the stars on the dome above them. Ross’ hand went down and rested on her breast. The kiss intensified. And suddenly he was going under her shirt. . .
“No!” Rachel jerked away, stumbling backwards, away from him.
Ross was somewhat taken aback by the note of panic in her voice, but he felt instantly ashamed. “I’m so sorry, Rach, I got carried away.”
Rachel bit her lip to fight her tears. “You know I’m not ready, Ross. . .”
“I know.” He came closer and put his arms around her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Rachel felt herself shaking. “I’m sorry, Ross, I’m just not ready-“
“And you don’t have to be.” He told her soothingly. “I know your father-“
“It’s not because of what he says!” Rachel snapped defensively without thinking. As soon as she said it she wished she hadn’t; better to let him think it was because of Leonard Green’s constant horror stories about teen pregnancy that made her scared, rather then letting him know the horrible truth.
Ross stared at her, urging himself not to pry, but unable to restrain himself from asking, “Then what?”
Rachel turned away from him, struggling to keep the sudden tears hidden. “Why does it matter, Ross? You said it’s okay if I’m not ready, you said you didn’t mind waiting!”
“I-I don’t.” Ross felt his face reddening. “I was just wondering.”
“Well stop it. I’ll tell you when I’m ready, and you knowing why wouldn’t change my mind anyway.”
Ross didn’t know what to say. Secretly, part of him still believed Leonard Green had scared his daughter into believing that every teenager who had sex got pregnant and therefore lost her boyfriend. But Rachel always got so defensive when they talked about it.
Her back was still turned toward him and Ross walked forward and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rach. I won’t mention it.” He tentatively wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. “Let’s just forget about it and go to the movie.”
“I. . .I don’t really feel like going to a movie tonight.” Ross swallowed hard. Rachel sounded close to tears. “Sorry.”
“Um. . .that’s no problem. You want to just go home?”
She nodded. “Thanks.”
They were silent on the ride home. When they pulled up to Rachel’s house, Ross walked her to the door and turned to her. “I’m really sorry, Rach.”
“I love you.” It was almost a question; he was desperate to know she wasn’t mad.
She smiled slightly at him. She kissed him softly, and he felt relief wash over him. “I love you, too.” Rachel put the key in the lock and opened her door. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay, sweetie?”
Ross walked back to the car, relieved that things had ended okay. He felt really stupid.
Rachel walked in the house and found her father sitting in the living room, going over files. “Hey, daddy.”
“Hey princess!” Rachel went to sit next to him on the couch and he kissed her lightly on the cheek, just as he always had. “That was a short date.”
“I was kinda tired.” Rachel lied. The phone rang. “I’ll get that. It’s probably Mon.” She stood up and ran upstairs to her bedroom. “Hello?”
“Rachel, what happened?”
Rachel sighed. “Nice to talk to you, too, Monica.”
“Seriously, Rach. Why didn’t you and Ross go to the movie?”
“I was tired.”
Monica sighed in frustration. “I know you well enough to tell you’re lying, Rach. Ross just stopped by and he looked really worried.”
Rachel had figured Ross would stop by his parents and sisters’ house to say hello before heading back to the apartment he shared with his roommate, Chandler Bing. “Look, Mon, it was no big deal.”
Rachel sighed, knowing Monica wouldn’t let up until she told. “Okay, fine. I went to meet him at the planetarium since he was locking up and we were alone. He started kissing me and it started to get too intense.”
Monica gasped. “Oh my God! Did you two. . .”
“No! But I think Ross wanted to.”
“Okay. . .” Monica frowned. “No offense, Rach, but why didn’t you.”
Anger rose in Rachel once again. “Because I’m not ready!!! “
“Okay, okay. I’m just saying you two are so in love with each other it’s disgusting.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“I mean to me. You’ve been dating for over three years. I’m surprised you haven’t done it yet is all.”
Rachel gripped the phone tightly as she spoke. “I’m just not ready.”
“You keep saying that. But you’re always saying how you think it’s so overly obvious of your father for telling you all those pregnancy stories. You tell me he tries too hard to make it seem that if you have sex at all you’ll automatically get pregnant and ruin your life. You say it doesn’t affect you.”
“It doesn’t!” Rachel’s voice rose in volume. Her palms were sweaty, her face flushed. Why did she even start this conversation?
“Okay! God, what’s wrong with you?”
“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“Okay!” Monica’s voice had an edge. “Look, Rach, I’m sorry. I thought you’re supposed to be able to tell me stuff like this. I’m your best friend.”
Rachel snapped slightly. “I don’t tell anyone this and I don’t have to!”
“Fine.” Monica sounded mad. “Sorry I asked. Bye, Rachel.” Monica hung up the phone.
Rachel lay there on her bed in the darkness, and suddenly the lie she’d told to her father wasn’t a lie anymore. She suddenly felt exhausted. Closing her eyelids against the familiar tears, she changed into bed clothes and lay down, pulling the covers around her as if they were a shield.
She slept, but the familiar nightmare came again. It had haunted her since she was thirteen. Her mother never told her father about the incident, as huge as it was; that would have involved speaking to Leonard, which she didn’t do. That suited Rachel fine; here in New York, no one knew, and she wanted to keep it that way.
She didn’t know how long she could keep up the defense, however. It was getting risky with Ross. He was starting to wonder. Of course he was wondering; as Monica had said, they’d been together for three and a half years. And he was a guy. Of course he wanted sex.
Rachel lay in the darkness pondering this, unwilling to go to sleep and face the nightmares; equally unwilling to stay awake and face reality.
Two weeks later, she and Ross were lying on the couch in his empty apartment. Chandler was gone to visit his mother for the weekend, and they had the place to themselves.
Ross’ shirt was unbuttoned, and as Rachel lay against him, she felt the heat from his body and she began to get nervous. His hand was drifting upward toward her breasts again. She glanced up at him and met his eyes. He leaned down, never moving his gaze from hers, and kissed her softly-at first. It grew more intense and Rachel felt her senses begin to give way.
She was shaking. One of Ross’ hands was now resting on her breast, the other was drifting closer and closer to her butt. He began kissing her on her neck, slowly working down.
Ross was so close to losing his thoughts entirely in the moment when he had a sudden flashback to the date-that-wasn’t two weeks ago. He abruptly pulled his body away from hers and sat back up. “Oh, God, Rach, I’m sorry. I did it again, but I didn’t mean it.” He stared into her eyes.
Rachel swallowed hard. In his eyes she saw longing. He doesn’t want to wait. Rachel realized suddenly, as nervous as she had been seconds earlier, she hadn’t been thinking about stopping him. I can’t let this hold me back forever, she thought determinedly. I can’t do that. “I think. . .” Her voice caught in her throat for a moment before she continued. “I think I’m ready.” She still felt scared to death.
Ross stared at her in disbelief. “Are you sure?”
“Because you know there’s no rush for you, Rach. I love you, and I don’t mind waiting as long as you need. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to because of me.” Ross was saying all the right things, but all he could think about was how much he wanted her at that moment.
“I’m not. I’m ready.”
He stood and went into the bedroom and came back out in a moment.
“Condom.” Ross came over and sat on the couch next to her, then kissed her again, more passionate then ever. Soon, they were lost in the moment.
It felt so right.
Afterwards, they lay next to each other on the couch, Rachel’s heading resting on Ross’ heaving chest. She was trembling. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly. Tears flooded her eyes and ran down her face. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
One Month Later
Leonard Green was waiting up for his daughter when she got back from her date past midnight. She walked into the living room where he was sitting. “Hey, daddy.”
Leonard looked up at her, frowning. She wasn’t past her curfew, but he hated when she got back late anyway. “How was it?”
“We had a good time.” She put her purse and coat down on the couch next to her father.
“That’s good.” Leonard lied. Rachel rolled her eyes. She knew her father hated Ross. But she didn’t let it bother her too much. He was so protective of her she was sure he’d hate anyone she got serious with.
“Well, I’m going to go to bed. Night Daddy. Love you.” She leaned over to kiss him, jostling her purse as she did so.
She stood up and started to go up, not noticing her father’s expression of fury. “Rachel.”
His tone of voice stopped her. She turned.
“You forgot your purse.”
Puzzled, she walked back around the couch to get it. “What-“ Her voice trailed off and her insides turned to ice as she saw what her father was looking at; the item that had fallen out of her purse and onto the couch.
“What the hell,” Leonard’s voice was dangerously quiet. “are you doing with birth control pills.”
Rachel felt lightheaded. Her knees were shaking beneath her. “Daddy, it’s not-“
“Rachel Karen Green have I not taught you anything?!”
“Daddy, please. . .”
“I have tried my best to let you know the dangers of that! You’re seventeen years old! You are far too young to be this serious with a boy. I’ve known that all alone! But as much as I’ve told you about what I see at work, you should know more about that then anyone your age!!!!”
“Daddy, it’s not always like that! Ross and I have dated for more then three years-“
“And he convinced you?! He couldn’t wait!!! It’s pretty damn clear what he wants of you Rachel! I can’t believe you would do this, after all I’ve told you!!!!”
“He didn’t force me! I told him I was ready!”
“TO PLEASE HIM!!!!! YOU ARE FAR TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! Every day at work when I saw these broken shells of teenagers, all alone in a delivery room, I thanked God that you weren’t like that! I didn’t realize my daughter was a SLUT!”
Rachel was on the verge of tears. “I’m not a slut, Daddy! I don’t go around sleeping with every guy I see! Ross and I are in love, and I know we’re going to end up together! And I don’t regret it! We do everything we’re supposed to; I take the pills, we use a condom!”
“YOU THINK THAT MAKES IT OKAY?!! Most of the teenagers I see say they use everything they’re supposed to!!! It’s always the same story: ‘HE SAID HE LOVED ME. I THOUGHT I WAS READY. I THOUGHT WE’D END UP TOGETHER. I LOVED HIM. HE CONVINCED ME!!!’ I never thought you’d be so damn STUPID!”
“Just get out, Rachel, I can’t look at you right now.”
Rachel stood numbly in the middle of the living room, unable to move. “B-but-“
“I said GO!”
Rachel turned and ran upstairs, tears streaming down her face. She pressed her face into a pillow and began to sob.
Hours later, she still lay awake, staring into the darkness, scared to death of what her father would do to her. Knowing him, he’d probably force her to stop seeing Ross for good.
The next morning, a Saturday, Rachel woke up at about ten. She was suddenly filled with dread as she remembered the events of the night before. She was glad her father had to work today; at least she had the day to prepare herself.
She wandered downstairs and went to the kitchen. She happened to glance out the window and was surprised to see her father’s car still in the driveway.
She closed her eyes in panic. He must’ve stayed home; to “deal” with her no doubt.
May as well get it over with. “Daddy?” She called tentatively. She wandered through the house, but it was silent. Her father wasn’t one for sleeping late, but still. . .
She paused by his bedroom door and peeked in. He was still lying there. Rachel started to close to the door and get out of the house and to Monica’s before he woke up, but something told her this wasn’t right.
Rachel crept hesitantly inside and by his bed. She shook his arm. “Daddy?” HE didn’t move. “Daddy?!” Harder. “DADDY?!”
It happened fast. She was dialing 9-1-1, riding in the ambulance, petrified. Waiting in the hospital. Ross and Monica came. Rachel couldn’t stop crying.
“It was just a mild heart attack. He’s going to be fine.”
The doctors all said that. She didn’t believe them. Ross said it. She didn’t believe him. Finally, the doctors said she could go in, he was finally coming out of the sedation.
She was crying when she walked in. “Daddy. . .”
He looked up at her, saying weakly, “Hey, princess.”
She went to hug him, sobbing softly, “I’m so sorry, Daddy, I love you, I’m so sorry.”
She came out a few minutes later. Ross and Monica left. She’d told them what had happened and Ross knew it wasn’t a good idea for him to be there.
Leonard came home from the hospital four days later. Rachel had been there every day, but he always acted distant, as if he was so disappointed in her he didn’t know what to say.
The night after he’d come home, Leonard called Rachel into his bedroom, where he was still getting the recommended bed rest. Rachel felt as if she was walking to her own execution. This was It.
She sat on the edge of his bed and stared down at the comforter, unwilling to meet his eyes. After minutes of awkward silence, Leonard finally said, “Rachel, I spoke to your mother.”
Rachel looked up in surprise. “Why?”
“I. . .we. . . we think it’s best that you spend your last year of high school with her. In California.”
Rachel was shocked. This was the last thing she’d been expecting. “Wh-what?” Her voice was barely audible as tears flooded her eyes. “You want me to leave?”
Leonard gave her a pained look. “Rachel, you know the last thing I want is for you to move away from me. But I don’t want to see you hurt. Your relationship with Ross Geller is moving too fast. I think the best solution is for you to be kept away from him until you’re ready to handle it.”
Rachel was trying desperately not to let the sobs building in her throat engulf her. “How could you do this to me?” She asked desperately.
“I’m only doing this because I love you-“
“Bullshit.” There was silence. “I won’t go.”
“Yes, you will. You’re still a minor, and we still control your living situation, as well as the rest of your life. I don’t like what I’m seeing with you and Ross.” His voice softened. “Princess, try to understand. I don’t want you to end up like all the girls I see every day.”
“Well, I’m not like them Daddy! I’m in love!”
“You’re too young to be in love.”
“You’re going.” His voice was firm. “At the end of this school year.”
“But that’s less then a month away!”
Leonard continued as if she hadn’t spoke. “You and I will go somewhere for a weekend every month; maybe to our ski cabin, or the beach house. But I don’t want you coming here.”
Rachel stood up, sobbing. “I can’t believe you would do this to me.”
She went outside and got in her car. She drove into the city, to Ross’ apartment. By the time he opened the door she was sobbing.
“Rach!” He put his arms around in bewilderment. Chandler saw what was going on from the living room, and immediately retreated into his bedroom. “Sweetie, calm down.” Ross guided her into the apartment and gently sat her down on the couch. “What’s wrong?”
“M-my dad. . .I-I have to g-go to California. . .he’s making me live with mom. . .when school gets out. . . for the whole year. . . I can’t c-come back here. . .” She dissolved into sobs and Ross sat dead still, as though momentarily paralyzed with shock.
“Wh-what?” He stared at her, tears filling his eyes. “You’re moving?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry-“
He kissed her softly, their tears mingling together as he did. He held her, letting her cry, his heart feeling as if it had been shattered into a million pieces. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Rachel managed between sobs. “And I promise this isn’t going to stop us. I’ll call you every day, I don’t care, I’ll find a way. And as soon as I graduate, I’m moving back.”
“And I don’t care what they say to me.”
He kissed her again. Rachel started to cry again. “I don’t know how I can live without you for a year.”
He gripped her shoulders tightly and looked into her eyes. “You can, Rach, you have to. And when you’re out of school, you come back here, and move in with me, and we’ll get married-“
“Sure. Did you ever think we wouldn’t?”
“I never really thought about-“
“Rachel, I love you. I can’t imagining ever being with anyone else. I know we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, and nothing is going to stop us.”
She nodded. “I love you, too.”
She didn’t go home that night.
Two Weeks Later
Rachel stared down at the pregnancy test in disbelief. Positive. After all her fathers lecturing, it had happened. And she was set to leave in a week.
She felt sick. Her father would murder her. Or maybe wait until she was gone and murder Ross. She’d already been sentenced to a year in Hell. What could he possibly do that was worse?
She didn’t want to find out.
One Week Later
Monica had accompanied Leonard to the airport. They’d gotten there over an hour or so earlier then they should and were standing around waiting. About thirty minutes before she was set to take off, Rachel said she needed to go to the bathroom and disappeared.
Ross was waiting a few gates away. They’d known Leonard wouldn’t allow him to accompany her to the airport, so he’d come on his own. She shoved through crowds of people, then saw Ross in the crowd. Rachel ran and he put his arms around her.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Ross said.
Rachel had a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. Over the past week she’d made the hardest decision of her life. And now she had to deal with the pain and guilt of knowing what she was going to do, as well the amazing ache of knowing she was leaving Ross.
“I know.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as she hugged him. “I love you.” She whispered.
He was crying, too. “I love you, too. So much. Remember your promise?”
She smiled weakly. “I remember.”
They kissed. Neither wanted it to end. But it had to.
They said they loved each other again. They reminded each other of the promise.
Rachel kept glancing back over her shoulder as she walked away.
She hugged her father stiffly. She was angrier at him then she’d ever been. She didn’t return his “I love you.” She and Monica hugged. They cried. Monica’s eyes were full of sympathy.
The loudspeaker called her plane. She had to board. Rachel turned around right by the gate and looked for Ross. He wasn’t there.
She couldn’t hold back the tears as she got on the plane and flew away from her previous life.
Her mother was waiting at the airport. She wasn’t thrilled to see her. Neither were her sisters. Everyone was awkward. Seeing this place, her old house, her old neighborhood, brought the memories of the horrible night four years ago back. She was thirteen years old. It had resulted in getting her moved to NYC. That was the only good thing that had come of the nightmare. And her father never knew. Monica never knew. Ross never knew.
But all the people here: her mother and sisters, who’d never really felt like family. The so-called friends who’d she’d never really felt comfortable with. They all knew. The whole town knew. It had been the news item of the year. But the most important people in her life didn’t know.
New York had helped her escape. But now there was no getting away from it.
The pain of the memories, the pain of leaving Ross, and the angst that the guilt of what she was planning on doing all built up to make this a living Hell. She’d only been living there a few days when she broke a part of The Promise. She didn’t call Ross everyday. She was too scared of the pain talking to him would bring.
A week after she moved there, Rachel sat in a small office, waiting for a doctor. Of all the nightmares of her life, she had another one to add. And it was a secret.
She left with a very big part of her missing: the child inside her.
"I got off the plane."
"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!" ~Chandler Bing
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