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the Jealousy
[Scene:
Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]
RACHEL: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was
wondering....
ROSS: Hmm?
RACHEL: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?
ROSS: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
RACHEL: Hmm.
ROSS: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.
RACHEL: You remember not having sex in high school, right?
ROSS: Yeah.
RACHEL: Well honey, what about you?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things?
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Come on you gotta have one!
ROSS: Nope.
RACHEL: Ross, you know what...
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: ...if you tell me, I might do it.
ROSS: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?
RACHEL: Yeah.
ROSS: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba
had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
RACHEL: Oooh!
ROSS:
Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty
cool.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
PHOEBE: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our
age loved that.
RACHEL: Really!
PHOEBE: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you
know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you
know.
RACHEL: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing?
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!
RACHEL: Really! That-that great huh?
PHOEBE: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate.
See ya!
ROSS: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey!
RACHEL: Hi you guys!
ROSS: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring
at a parking meter.
RACHEL: Mon. Hi!
MONICA: Hi.
RACHEL: Why aren't you at work?
MONICA: Oh, they-they sent me home.
RACHEL: Why?
MONICA: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.
ROSS: Okay.
RACHEL: You really, really need to get some sleep, honey.
MONICA: I know I do.
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi.
ROSS: Guess what?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: They published my paper.
RACHEL: Oh, really, let me see, let me see.
PHOEBE: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her
hair look like the Princess Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong
Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There
he is.
. . . . .
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering]
ROSS: How could you have told her?
RACHEL: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.
ROSS: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
RACHEL: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?
ROSS: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing
between us.
RACHEL: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other
everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean,
what about all that locker room stuff.
ROSS: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?'
or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.
RACHEL: Were both of those Joey?
ROSS: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know,
your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
RACHEL: Not even with your best friend.
ROSS: Noo!
RACHEL: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean,
the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone
else is going through the same thing you are.
ROSS: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything?
RACHEL: Pretty much.
ROSS: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people
about the night of five times?
RACHEL: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.
ROSS: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.
. . . . .
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are there.]
ROSS: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?
CHANDLER: Umm, yeah.
ROSS: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes,
technique, stamina, girth....
CHANDLER: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do
this?
ROSS: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta
be doing it. Do you wanna?
CHANDLER: We're not gonna talk about girth are we?
ROSS: Nooo!
CHANDLER: Yeah, okay.
ROSS: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah! All right! You go first.
ROSS: Okay, okay, I'll go first.
CHANDLER: Okay.
ROSS: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about
fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....
CHANDLER:
Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
ROSS: Yes!
CHANDLER: I know!
ROSS: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go.
CHANDLER: Okay.
ROSS: Okay.
CHANDLER: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.
ROSS: Hmph.
CHANDLER: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you
get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle
MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
ROSS: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!
CHANDLER: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your
head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course,
like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you
can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're,
you know. You know...(Ross just stares at him). You don't know!
ROSS: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom,
what is the matter with you?
CHANDLER: You said...
ROSS:
I said '*share*' not '*scare*'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes
over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
. . . . .
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme. Rachel
enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leia's, and wearing a
belly dancer's outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.]
RACHEL: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really
weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong?
Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently?
What? What?
ROSS:
No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his
Mom standing where Rachel is)
MRS. GELLER: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, you're like, freaking
me out here.
ROSS:
I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking
around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
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TOW the First Time | Scenes
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the Jealousy
